My publisher said it would be a good idea to start a blog so my readers could get to know me better. So, I started this blog with no real vision in mind. I thought I would speak my mind. I've just been posting random thoughts that I have, but I quickly realized that I don't know what to write about.
I started thinking about why people read my posts on Caring Bridge after Jeff's accident. Yes, those people care about us, and wanted updates. But there was something more. I thought about why people are reading my book now. When I was doing the journal updates, I got so many comments about how honest I was. And now, I have had so many people tell me that they enjoyed my book because I'm honest. I talked about things that most people wouldn't talk about, or shared things that most wouldn't admit.
I had trouble praying during a tragedy when I should be on my knees constantly. I yelled at God. I worried about where my marraige would go when Jeff went though the mean and angry phase. Most people just put on a mask and hide their struggles. But how does that help anyone?
People seem to like my honestly, the fact that I'm real. So that's what I want to do. I want to continue to be real with you.
So I'm just going to start sharing my mind with you, telling you about my struggles even now, 2 years post accident. Some of it will be brain injury related, but some will just be about life in general.
Here goes nothing...
I shared in my book about my struggles through prayer. At a time in my life when I should have been praying the most, I couldn't find the words to say anything but "God please." God has taught me a lot about how to pray, and since then, my prayer life has been more vibrant that it has ever been.
I have been able to have open conversation with God, and pray throughout the day. I have seen the power of prayer both in big miracles like Jeff's healing, and in small day-to-day prayers like how a difficult conversation with a friend will go.
However, lately I've been busy. I have said yes to more commitments than I should have, and frankly am just too tired to pray most of the time. When I have my quiet moments in the car driving to and from work, instead of having my deepest conversations with God like I used to, I'm finding myself just sitting in the quiet. Not having the desire to spend time in conversation. I just want to rest.
I recognize that my prayer life will have seasons, just like life, just like my relationship with God. There will be times of euphoria, and times of neglect. However, just because there are seasons, doesn't give me a free pass to neglect my time with God.
God never ceases to amaze me, and I've noticed now that I'm more busy and tired, when I do show up, God blows my mind. I love that He waits for me, that He is excited when I make time to spend with Him. Even if it's just 2 minutes here and there.
Just because God taught me new insights about prayer, doesn't mean my prayer life is perfect. I think that's the point. It is ongoing.
You have to have open communication with God. Many think that they don't have time to pray because they have to have this long drawn out prayer every time following the example that Jesus gave us in the Lord's Prayer. While it is good to do that sometimes, that doesn't have to be the prayer every time. Sometimes a prayer can be a simple as, "Thanks God!" or "God please!"
No matter what you say, make time for God. He is waiting for you, and if you show up, you'll be amazed at what He wants to show you.
What's your excuse for not praying?