I have all these pictures in my head of what my life is supposed to look like, or what I want it to look like.
Graduate high school, go to college, finish graduate school, get married, work a few years as a teacher, start a family, stay at home and raise my kids...
Then I have specific pictures within the bigger ones that I expect played out. I want my husband to be a strong Christian, I want my kids to be happy and healthy.
None of these things are wrong, they are what most people want and expect of their lives. But I have to remember not to get so caught up in my pictures that I don't let God work in my life.
He has pictures too. Only His pictures are way better than mine.
I can share my pictures with God. I can tell Him what I want from life. However, I have to be alright if they aren't what He has planned.
Sometimes, things don't always work out the way I plan them. And looking back, sometimes they are so much better, even though I never would have wanted it to happen that way.
Look at Jeff's accident. I never wanted to take care of my husband as if he were my child. I never wanted to sit next to him in a hospital room while he lay unconscious.
But that accident changed everything. If it weren't for that accident, we wouldn't have the marriage we do now. I wouldn't have the job I do now. I wouldn't have been able to witness the miracles I did. I wouldn't have the same relationship with Christ as I do now. I wouldn't understand what it's like to be completely dependent on God and know that it's ok.
My life took a major detour. But we are so much better because of it.
I have to remind myself, as the pictures start to form, that I may still get what I want, but it can look drastically different than what I expect. It will be God's way though, so it will be better than anything I can dream up.
Thanksgiving is this week, so what am I thankful for? I am thankful that God knows what I need better than I do. I'm thankful that He doesn't shield me from difficulties in life, but instead carries me through them. I'm thankful that I am learning to let go of my "picture perfect life" and allow God to create His own masterpiece in us. I'm thankful that I'm not in control.