Many times since my husband’s TBI, people have said that I’m strong, and that God knows our strength. He knows the strong people and chooses them to be the ones to handle tragedy. But if that were true, then we wouldn’t have people committing suicide. Those people also had something happen that they needed strength for. So does that mean God knew they didn’t have the strength, but allowed them to endure something too difficult for them?
I think not. First, I don’t think that God looks at us and says “You can have tragedy A, and this person over here can have tragedy B.” I think that tragedy happens for many reasons. Sometimes, it is to strengthen us. Other times, it’s a punishment for something we did. Still others, it's simply the result of living in a fallen world with sinful people.
We are only as strong as our trust in God. I have heard many times “God doesn’t call the equipped, he equips the called.” Our own independent strength doesn't matter. Something will always arise that is beyond what we can handle. God means for those times to draw us closer to Him, not tear us from Him. When you can turn to God during difficult times, He will give you strength beyond your own capability.
The ability and freedom God allowed me to sometimes just scream at Him provided huge relief. I could tell Him that I couldn't handle the pain any more. I had someone I could vent to, share my raw emotions with, and He would never think any less of me for it. Then He could hold me in His arms when I reached the end of my strength, and carry me the rest of the way. It allowed me to appear strong to others because I could be weak before God.
I had no strength of my own, God's strength became my strength.
Casey I came across your site as I have been searching for people to connect with and who understand this journey. My husband suffered acute meningitis after surgery to remove a benign tumour. From that day in emergency (August 31st, 2011), our lives changed instantly. I understand this strength you speak of and His strength has been my daily companion. My husband spent over a year in hospital with many ups and downs, complications, and my husband is now home completely dependent for everything. I feed him through an NG tube, he is non-verbal, and is unable to do anything that involves conscious thought. My faith has deepened unlike anything prior to this. I've experienced the greatest joy even in the midst of trials. People look at me too and say "you are so strong" and I respond again and again that it is only God's strength in me which becomes more evident when I am at my weakest. Although my husbands recovery has not been as your experience but I have countless stories of miracles and evidence of God's faithfulness. I recently started a web site to share our story but also to blog and share the wisdom I've gained along the way in areas such as nutrition, patient advocacy and financial and legal issues. My site is www.lighthousewalk.com if you are interested. I really give thanks for you and other soldiers in Christ. We can feel less alone as we walk this incredible journey called life. Linda Dempsey
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